How do you know if Counselling is for you?

Someone once said that a good friend is just as helpful as a counsellor. And I held onto that idea for most of my life - wanting to be the type of friend who people felt they could talk to, listening to their issues and talking through their feelings and vice versa. Great stuff!

But its not the same.

As a friend, I was aware of and entangled in their life. I might know their partner, children, parents and have my own connection with those people. So while listening to my friend, subconsciously I was aware of those wider people's viewpoints too. Then I had my own thoughts and feelings whirling around. Listening to someone's problems, I would understand them through my own experiences and offer advice based on that. If I was angry, then my advice could be laced with that anger, ' I think you should just tell them to get lost! Who do they think they are?' But if I was feeling sentimental then it would be different, 'you just need to find a way to make it work - you can't loose it all!'

But here's the thing - all this muddies what my friend was actually thinking and feeling. Their internal voice became distorted with a mixture of mine.

Well that's ok if you are the sort of person who can distinguish external and internal thoughts and not be swayed by subtle judgements that cling to advice.

Are you that sort of person?

So how is a counsellor different than a friend?

As a counsellor I have spent 4 years becoming aware of who I am, how things have shaped my personality and triggers that evoke emotions and behaviours. (A truly incredible journey!) All of which enable me to separate myself from what I am hearing. My story has no place in a counselling room. That space is reserved for the client to say, explore and question anything they want. No judgement, no shame, no worry of someone finding out - because it is confidential (well within the confines of the law and ethical practice), and no worrying about whether you are burdening the other person.

It's a freedom like no other I have experienced. The freedom to admit painful experiences, and suppressed thoughts. The freedom to show emotions and allow them to exist just as they are. A freedom held in the safety of a therapeutic relationship. It's the road to becoming your true authentic self when life, for what ever reason, has prevented you from accessing it.

So if this resonates with you - maybe you should give counselling a chance.