Have you entered the Drama Triangle?

It should have been such an easy chore, 'take this cow to market to sell'. But Jack got side-lined by a strange man who persuaded him to exchange the cow for magic beans. At this moment I believe Jack entered the 'Drama triangle'.

Karpman's drama triangle is a model of human interaction that has been referred to in psychology since Stephen Karpman devised it in 1968.

Three roles that people consciously or unconsciously fall into. The strange man Jack met could be seen to be a rescuer. This is a person who likes to feel they are solving problems even if they haven't been asked. By going along with the bean/cow exchange, Jack unknowingly entered the drama triangle which started the series of events that we know in this fairy story. Returning home, his mum in her annoyance at having no money, took on a persecutor role, she was critical of his actions, judgemental maybe assuming he was being lazy and so sent him to bed. Before he knew it, Jack was in the victim role, full of emotions that spiralled around an inner shame. The victim role is where a mindset is created of 'poor me', I can't do anything right.

The beauty of fairy tales is that they often portray how characters move around the roles. For example, Jack becomes the rescuer for his mum, when he climbs the beanstalk and manages to steal some treasures from the giant. The giant is the ultimate persecutor wanting to grind Jack's bones to make his bread, but ends up the victim when the beanstalk is axed to the ground.

When all is said and done - how do you feel about these characters? Did you recognise the roles they adopted as the ones you tend to take?

When we step into the drama triangle, the problem is that it can create unhealthy behaviours where power imbalances exist and old emotions are played out that prevent the development and honesty in a multitude of relationships. Have you ever felt you want to solve your child's problems only to find they are underwhelmed by your efforts? (rescuer) That can leave a bitter taste.

Have you found yourself being annoyed by your colleague's slow pace at getting work done and find yourself ranting about the lack of team effort and how useless others are. (Persecutor) That can raise your stress levels.

Or spent all day worrying that you accidently scratched the car and you will have to admit it to your partner. (Victim) That can make you feel useless.

And all of these behaviours can be different if you stop to think - am I entering the 'Drama Triangle'?

Because if the answer is yes you can stop yourself. Step out of the triangle and view things in the here and now:

Child's problem: 'what can I do to help?'

Slow colleague: 'Is there anything you need to get your work done?

Scratched car: ' I had an accident.'

Can you see how it takes the emotion out of the situation. And in that way - your relationships can grow and develop. Drama averted.